03.04.06, 11:25 PM

It's amazing what lithium can do for a bipolar. I'd say I suffer from bipolar disorder, but that's not fair. Everyone around me suffers from my bipolar disorder.
After liberal doses of lithium and a month or so of self reflection, I've come to realize that I have been a monumental asshole to a lot of people, particularly those closest to me. I've been short with my children and in many cases down right unfair to them. Even though my brother is difficult on his best days, it was something of an over-reaction to brawl with him on the front lawn and then give him an hour to have his things out of my apartment. Especially since he quite his stable job in California to come help me take care of my children during their summer break with me. I treated the love of my life like shit and took complete advantage of her generosity. I blamed her for our difficulties and shouted at her when she wanted time to herself. Looking back on it, I'm surprised it took her so long to leave me.
So in short, I have made a flaming wreck of my life. Right now I want nothing more than to go back and live the last year over again. Though I can't do that, I can start over, and I can ask those I've hurt to forgive me. If they won't or can not, there isn't much room for me to blame them. I've been a dick.
So I've made a vow to never again go off my medication. I can't live without those I love most, and they can't live without my lithium. Who knows what the future will hold, but now that I have my life back in my hands I am going to make something of it. My future is going to fucking rock, because I am going to make damned well sure it does.

"I'm sorry" means so little these days...

Brennan, Adam, Rook, Jim, and Bailey: Whether you can forgive me or not, I will never be able to forgive myself for the things I have done to you. You are in my fondest thoughts forever...

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